Today I spent most of my time getting my communications up.
You can view that above pic as a photosphere here
I’ve read many many quotes in the past one as such: “Truth takes years to build, seconds to destroy”. They make sense and I understand them. I was just hoping that I’d never need to experience these first hand.
Just today a handful of my long time friends had a house warming party, I won’t go into the details and review the party. But let’s say that the “playful banter” got out of hand. For some reason, I was the one getting picked on. I don’t mind the occasional push and shove, one on one arguments, that’s friendly bonding after all.
Essentially 3-4 people my age (ranging from almost equal to bigger taller people) tried to pin me down. I don’t know about you, but that’s one person per limb in the worst case. I feel completely helpless. From pleading for it to stop to physically pushing them away to the point of me having to actually to TACKLE people away makes me feel terrible.
I don’t like resorting to violence (probably say never had). And even in this case where I DID resort to such an extent. It didn’t work. I feel worried. Helpless. Paranoid.
I don’t mind tackling hobos away for self defense. I don’t know them. I would be willing to do anything for self defense against people I don’t know. These are my FRIENDS. Is it not suffice that I’ve said stop it? From the normal stop it. To aggressive snarling. To pleading. What does it take for me to stop someone I trust? Break their nose? In the end, it came down to “fight or flight”. Fighting 3-4 people is tough enough. Having to fight off your friends is just not do-able to me. So I decided to walk out.
In a brighter note, there are those that stood by me. The fact that they didn’t make things worse or stood neutral ground is more than enough to make me feel happy. I appreciate people like that. I feel it was worth it that I didn’t take sides to put you people at risk and essentially put you all through all that.
I know they probably didn’t mean all this. But I still feel awful that it needed to go this far.